Thursday, September 15, 2011



During the Summer, I went to IHOP Atlanta to do a 3-Month Internship. When I first signed up for this internship, I expected to sit at the feet at Jesus and just love on Him! But God had more for me!!!

My first foundation's class was about the Father Heart of God. As I sat in this class, I realized that I had been living with an orphan mentality. I thought I knew God as Father, but I was not living like His child.I had built walls that were separating me from experiencing His love for me. One of those walls was self-hatred. Yes, self-hatred. If you looked at me you would never think that I was living with self-hatred because in the outside everything looked good. As I spent time in prayer and resting in His presence, God began to work in different areas of my life.

My Past. A couple of years ago, I was in a relationship I hurt him and my loved one's, and I had a difficult time forgiving myself for being disobedient to the Lord. I confessed my unforgiveness, and the Lord freed me from condemning myself. You might say "I don't have unforgiveness towards anyone." But what about not being able to forgive yourself? No matter what sins you have committed in the past, God will forgive you. The blood of Jesus cleanses you and purifies you. 1 John 1:9 says that if you confess your sins to God, He is faithful and just to forgive you.

My Looks. In the past, men have said mean things to me like "you're fat, you have a big gut." Oh, but the worst one was when he compared me to his ex-girlfriend who was a model. I did not realize that all those comments and words people had spoken over me where stored up in heart. I would compare myself to others and did not feel good about how I looked. I have to admit that going down memory lane was painful. I began to renounce words that others, and I had spoken over myself...I declared: "I am created in God's image. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. God says I am beautiful. He knows me by name. He delights in me. He loves me."

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them! Psalm 139: 13-17

My Personality. Many of you would probably describe me as a quiet person. Many times it's not done intentionally, I just don't have much to say. Well this quietness would drive me crazy because I was constantly thinking about what should I say so people can like me. But no, nothing would come to mind. I would get sad and think "I wish I was more bubbly like so and so, you know the girl who can light up a room with her charisma" or I wish had things to say "like that girl who is so interesting and can keep conversations going." But God created me differently. I am a good listener :) and will laugh at your jokes even if they're not that funny. I love that God created us so different. Why would you want to be like anyone else when YOU are the best YOU that could ever exist. You are special and have a lot to offer to those who surround you. You matter.

My Talents. What are my talents? was the question I would always ask myself. I later learned that I do have many talents. One of my talents is being a creationist. I love to create things such as designs for birthday parties, games, sermon illustrations, and kid stories. Needless to say, I learned that my talents did not earn my Father's love. The book "Just The Way You Are" is about a girl who had no talents to give to the King, but all that God wanted was her heart. ( You need to read this book) It does not matter what you are good at or not, what matter is that God accepts you just the way you are. You don't have to perform to earn God's love. You don't have to strive. You don't have to do anything for Him. He loves you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

You are God's beloved and the same love that the Father has for His son Jesus is the same love the Father has for you, His daughter. Do you believe it? It's true. You can ask God to make this real to you in your heart.

Father of Glory, I ask that you would bring revelation and knowledge of who you are as my Father. Lord I want to experience your love. Align my thoughts, my heart, and my actions with your Word.

1 comment:

  1. i love it.. thank you brenda for sharing that.. i know how you feel, i have had some of the same experiences and it amazes me that someone else has those thoughts.. I find it amazing that as I was reading this I could remember hearing the sermon on sunday. the man of god told us that we are never alone, and many ppl have the same issues going on in their lives, but the enenmy shuts our mouths so we cant speak them. Thank you Brenda..

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